dreams

Paper Sky

I.

The sky is the color of dirty paper —
it is the color of
yesterday’s news
dropped in a puddle, clinging
to the cold dead ground

It is the color of
cheap ink
running off the newsprint and bleeding
into the rain (the sky is crying)

It is the color of
Choking grey to fill a world
too real

II.

She holds her pen like a syringe
ready to inject the ink
into her veins
so that when her eyes
close
and her vision goes
black
she can breathe in a world
of beautiful words
and stories
can fill her soul

Start

I think I have a lot of goals that I end up not achieving, and I feel like that’s pretty common across the board – having aspirations that end up meeting their expiration dates before they can be fulfilled, dreaming dreams that get set aside, or archived, or forgotten. Everyone has dead dreams, from things like saving up enough to buy a Barbie at age 6, to learning Farsi, to gaining admittance to an Ivy League, to scoring that promotion, to falling in mutual love, to so many other things.

And so I had dreams to go to Stanford, to have a 4.0 unweighted GPA, to qualify to speech and debate nationals and to not burn out by senior year. Dreams to learn magic, go to Hogwarts, or maybe just one day turn into a dragon. I remember wanting to be a dragon, and I remember wanting to be first in class, and on some level I’m pretty sure I still harbor that want, just not the drive. After all, Stanford sent me their rejection letter months ago, and if I were destined to be a dragon, it probably would’ve happened by now, right?

I feel like this got a little depressing! But hey, trying to keep it real. And I think overall, it’s pretty chill.

Because retrospectively, I think that everything that I have failed to achieve thus far isn’t necessarily going to make it or break it for me in terms of future long-term happiness. I still have a ton of dreams – dreams to go on more noodleventures, dreams to publish a book, dreams of success and happiness and things like that; I have a lot of goals that I believe aren’t just shots in the dark.

I like to think that my future is bright with the light from an egg yolk sun, even though I’d probably be inside to avoid the UV rays and all that. So I guess for me right now, it’s not all about the figurative sunshine itself, it’s more about what it represents.

I believe in dreaming.